Excerpt for Monster Jokes by , available in its entirety at Smashwords



Monster Jokes



By Arnie Lightning

Arnie Lightning Books

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Smashwords Edition



Copyright © 2014 by Hey Sup Bye Publishing

All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction. No part of this book or this book as a whole may be used, reproduced, or transmitted in any form or means without written permission from the publisher. Graphics used in this book are licensed and © Dollar Photo Club

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Table of Contents



Free Gift!

Funny Monster Jokes

Maze 1

Maze 2

Maze 3

Maze 4

Maze Solutions

About the Author



Free Gift!



Download My Free Gift!

Click the link above to instantly download a free eBook! “It’s Okay to Be Different” is a beautifully illustrated story about accepting and celebrating others for their differences. It’s a great way to teach children to appreciate and accept others for who they are. Enjoy!

Funny Monster Jokes





Q: Did you hear about the monster that lost his hair?

A: He lost it in a hair raid!

Q: Why did the monster lie on his back?

A: To trip up low-flying aircraft!

Q: Why did Frankenstein give up boxing?

A: He did not want to spoil his good looks!

Q: What do you do with a green monster?

A: Put it in the sun until it ripens up!

Q: What do you get if you if Barney the Dinosaur starts eating people?

A: A purple people eater!

Q: What should you call a polite, friendly, and good looking monster?

A: A failure!

Q: What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand?

A: He went to a second-hand shop!

Q: How do man-eating monsters count to 1,000?

A: On their warts!

Q: What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?

A: I had no clue we lived on the same block!

Q: Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?

A: At an ugly parlor!

Q: What do you call a huge, ugly, and hairy monster with earplugs in his ears?

A: Anything you want because he cannot hear you!

Q: What do you call a smart monster?

A: Frank Einstein!

Q: Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?

A: He had been told to ice the cake!

Q: What is the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

A: The candle is 1,000 times brighter!

Q: What is the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?

A: Let’s see you try to mash Frankenstein!

Q: How is a monster like a jack-o-lantern?

A: They both have empty heads!

Q: Why did the monster take his nose apart?

A: To see what made it run!

Q: What does a mother monster say to her kids at dinnertime?

A: Do not talk with someone in your mouth!

Q: How do you stop a monster from digging up your garden?

A: Hide his shovel!

Q: Did you hear about the monster that had 10 arms?

A: He was all fingers and thumbs!

Q: What noise do you hear if two monsters jump off a cliff?

A: Boom! Boom!

Q: What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

A: The boogeyman!

Q: How do you address a monster?

A: Very politely and from far away!

Q: What makes an ideal present for a monster?

A: Five pairs of gloves. One for each hand!

Q: What does a monster do when he loses his head?

A: He calls a head hunter!

Q: How does Frankenstein sit in a chair?

A: Bolt upright!

Q: What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?

A: Sir!

Q: What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein?

A: May he rest in pieces!

Q: What do girl monsters do at parties?

A: They go around looking for edible bachelors!

Q: Where is the monster’s temple?

A: On the side of his head!

Q: How do you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him?

A: Do not stop until he is eggs-terminated!

Q: On which day do monsters eat people?

A: Chewsday!

Q: Why was the monster standing on his head?

A: He was turning things over in his mind!

Q: What does a monster say when he meets you for the first time?

A: Pleased to eat you!

Q: Why did the monster stop playing with his brother?

A: He was bored with kicking him around!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen?

A: The Ink-credible Hulk!

Q: Where did the monster keep his extra pair of hands?

A: In a handbag!

Q: How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?

A: If it is a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

Q: How did the monster cure his sore throat?

A: He spent all day gargoyling!

Q: What monster plays the most April Fools jokes on others?

A: Prankenstein!

Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?

A: Once upon a slime…

Q: What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?

A: Run through the back door as fast as you can!

Q: What kind of book did Frankenstein like to read?

A: One with a cemetery plot!

Q: What did the full monster do after he ate too much ice-cream?

A: Ate more ice-cream!

Q: What happens if a big, hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater?

A: You will probably miss most of the film!

~~~

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Maze 1



Maze 2



Maze 3



Maze 4



Maze Solutions



About the Author



Arnie Lightning is a dreamer. He believes that everyone should dream big and not be afraid to take chances to make their dreams come true. Arnie enjoys writing, reading, doodling, and traveling. In his free time, he likes to play video games and run. Arnie lives in Mississippi where he graduated from The University of Southern Mississippi in Hattiesburg, MS.

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